Welcome To the Deep End

If I were a river, you would be the ocean
My chilled waters flowing into your salty warmth
A penetrating mixture
Leaving only traces of my speed and chaos
I slow within you

There is nothing more freeing
than jumping into the deep end
only to remember
I never learned to swim.

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Accomplishments and Ramblings...

First of all, I am very late in my news. As of a few weeks ago, I was accepted into Georgia State University. This is a very exciting accomplishment, because I have wanted to go into computer sciences or engineering for years, but have been mortified by math and physics. With age, I have realised there is no point in avoiding things that scare me. Just get it over with and move on with life. The move on has started...

My classes start in June. Books have been purchased. Immunizations complete after a painful tetanus shot to the quad. Parking and Panther ID collected. Now I have to study for my math placement test so as not to end up in boom boom math for life :)

Feeling Accomplished

Turns out I am jumping on the "Let's Go Back To School" bandwagon. I have been feeling slightly less than happy with my English degree. So, I am applying to get a second bachelor's degree in computer science. After which I plan to get a master's degree in either information systems or software engineering. This should take me approximately 3-4 years. Thanks to my being over 24 these days I get a ton of financial aid. The program I plan to attend is online so as not to interfere with my work schedule. More info later....................

Mid Twenties Crisis

I wonder if everyone has memory loss the way I do. My mind is selective in a very emotional way. The memories that I keep are vivid and strange. They are attached to the important ones, but the past that I want is left hanging on to these mundane glimpses, like skeletons wearing plastic grandma beads instead of precious jewels. My thoughts are archived with little tags, date, time, place, length, of relationship. The older they are the further they drift down a hallway. I squint at my sand pies I made at age seven wishing they were just a few inches closer. Where does this tunnel lead? The light at the end of the tunnel may be death creeping up on me as my back is turned. At age 60 it will tap me on one shoulder while hiding behind the other to get a good chuckle. Only I don't find it funny in the least. Or maybe it is an accumulation of my mistakes waiting to smack me in the back of the head. Though the last one is doubtful, because it would have hit me by now. If only my memories would upload on utube, like everything else in existence. Listening to Built to Spill lyrics has given no result.  Deep meditation has opened no trap door. I am left staring into a mental archive filled with photographs of  my life. Waiving my hand frantically hoping there is such a thing as a self Jedi mind trick. In reality, I am only a girl sitting on her office floor grappling for holds in a her past to avoid a future adult status with so many questionable ends.

Agenda Part 2

• Start actually using my gym membership.
• Organize the downstairs.
• Find some form of income beyond my library job.
• Keep my mind focused on the future.