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Accomplishments and Ramblings...

First of all, I am very late in my news. As of a few weeks ago, I was accepted into Georgia State University. This is a very exciting accomplishment, because I have wanted to go into computer sciences or engineering for years, but have been mortified by math and physics. With age, I have realised there is no point in avoiding things that scare me. Just get it over with and move on with life. The move on has started...

My classes start in June. Books have been purchased. Immunizations complete after a painful tetanus shot to the quad. Parking and Panther ID collected. Now I have to study for my math placement test so as not to end up in boom boom math for life :)

Feeling Accomplished

Turns out I am jumping on the "Let's Go Back To School" bandwagon. I have been feeling slightly less than happy with my English degree. So, I am applying to get a second bachelor's degree in computer science. After which I plan to get a master's degree in either information systems or software engineering. This should take me approximately 3-4 years. Thanks to my being over 24 these days I get a ton of financial aid. The program I plan to attend is online so as not to interfere with my work schedule. More info later....................

Mid Twenties Crisis

I wonder if everyone has memory loss the way I do. My mind is selective in a very emotional way. The memories that I keep are vivid and strange. They are attached to the important ones, but the past that I want is left hanging on to these mundane glimpses, like skeletons wearing plastic grandma beads instead of precious jewels. My thoughts are archived with little tags, date, time, place, length, of relationship. The older they are the further they drift down a hallway. I squint at my sand pies I made at age seven wishing they were just a few inches closer. Where does this tunnel lead? The light at the end of the tunnel may be death creeping up on me as my back is turned. At age 60 it will tap me on one shoulder while hiding behind the other to get a good chuckle. Only I don't find it funny in the least. Or maybe it is an accumulation of my mistakes waiting to smack me in the back of the head. Though the last one is doubtful, because it would have hit me by now. If only my memories would upload on utube, like everything else in existence. Listening to Built to Spill lyrics has given no result.  Deep meditation has opened no trap door. I am left staring into a mental archive filled with photographs of  my life. Waiving my hand frantically hoping there is such a thing as a self Jedi mind trick. In reality, I am only a girl sitting on her office floor grappling for holds in a her past to avoid a future adult status with so many questionable ends.

Agenda Part 2

• Start actually using my gym membership.
• Organize the downstairs.
• Find some form of income beyond my library job.
• Keep my mind focused on the future.

Agenda Part 1

• Forgive Atlanta for not letting me get to work today.
• Stop being bummed out about the cancelled St Patricks Day parade.
• Be thankful I was not lifted and carried away by the tornado that caused the above problems.
• Make serious attempts at getting my W2's from employers in Florida.
• Read atleast one of my bookclub books.
• Continue earing project, so as not to waste that gorgeous mustard colored vinyl.
• Schedule a trip to the Decatur Market and Craft Store with Lori (Pleasantly Plump Vegan).
• Go to Teahouse 11:11 for the knitting club this week.
• Talk Lori into the event listed above :)

To St Petersburg

I apologize for my falling in love with another. Atlanta has accepted me with arms open and gave me what I have been looking for this past year. Please forgive my indiscretions with an open hearted man.

St Pete boys took me and tore my heart apart with empty promises. Atlanta has given me new hope for possible love and a new start. Please do not take this personally. It is me, not you, my dearest, St Petersburg.

Your True Patron,

Gregarious Muse

Happy Birthday to Me

Today my mom called and yelled at me.
Some days I really wish I could disappear.
Possibly melt into my bed.
A time out.
There is a transition from childhood.
To the adult.
I used to wish things would move faster.
Now I am crying for them to stop.

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday.
Let us hope this year comes with brakes intact.

Inspired by fall

Dearest Dilettante,

Let us conspire an evening of debauchery and mayhem.

Yours Always,
Gregarious Muse

Yesterday

Thrift stores are filled with items still holding past scent and story. A tingle runs up my spine and out the hair follicles. Passed from one life to the next, with each owner giving a part of themselves. The possibility that our belongings steal our yesterday and give us a stranger's in return.

Orange

it's oils cover my hand as I penetrate the skin. liquid pouring from wrist to elbow. mouth to chin. my tongue lapping with little shame or track of time. satisfaction guarantee.

One Word

HARDLY

hardly enough time to talk about this my dear. yearning. left to my mind. give me more. my thoughts make their own conclusion. satisfy my urge. don't push the door. i will move. leaving you. drop. broke. on the floor.

Summer Kiss

When you kiss me
Call me
Momma
Baby
Star

The feeling of summer heat
Hit me
Leaving no pain
From past love

Some how now
Clean Slate
Like a little girl
Tree climbing
Sun dress
Skinned up knees

Light on you

You hated me in purple
Dear
I often hid behind my eyes
Do you see
beyond my fixed up exterior
Babe
You left me gasping
clawing for feeling
steel casket
lacking air

I wish I never knew
how to make peas